Friday, September 21, 2018

Growing Pains

Spiritual Teachers

If you don't follow Caroline Myss​, this is a great time to start.

Like most of us in the spiritual community (especially those of us who make our living as teachers, healers and psychics) most of what she shares is positive and uplifting with a dash of marketing, but she recently shared her thoughts on the current political climate and while she mentioned no names, she was not shy.

Naturally she was attacked for getting political. I was struck by two responses she gave to that attack: "Speaking up is not being "political"; it is an act of conscience."

"What is the role of a spiritual teacher if not to alert people that we are traveling into dangerous water."

Those of us who are spiritual teachers and speakers of Truth owe it to ourselves and the world to speak out when we see Fear and Pain exploited for political and monetary gain. Any political leader who uses fear to further thier career and financial interests does not deserve your patronage. Anyone who tells you to give up faith, love and hope if you want to be safe is promoting darkness and anyone who tell you that "They" are not like "Us" and must be excluded and driven from our shores (whoever the hell "They" are) is wrong and acting against the forces of Love.

Love is the antidote to far and hatred. Reject those who tell you to hate and embrace those who speak of love.

I love you.

Mediumship with Paul Dees

Last night I did something very unusual for me, I rescheduled my yoga class so I could go to a lecture in Warren. This is probably the second or third time in six years I've fiddled with my teaching schedule, but something about Paul and Deborah Rees' talk at the Meg TC was calling to me. At first I was a bit disappointed, I'm not really into mediumship, and while their stories of getting into the biz were interesting, it was nothing to jump up and down over. I did really like what Paul said about language getting in the way of communication. So often spiritual discussions get derailed over word choice. I like the word God, some prefer Spirit, or Divine, or Allah, or Yahweh, but why should our conversation grind to a halt over names? 

That was good and I was glad that someone else was talking about the horrors of semantics, but I still wasn't sure why I was there… and then the mediumship demonstrations began. They work very well together, better than any team I've ever seen before. They way they would pass off to each other when one was stuck or stalled was very smooth and played to each of their strengths. 

They started on the other side of the room, but quickly started coming to people over near me. There were over 50 people in the room, but aside from the first 2 everyone they talked to was within a few feet of me – this always happens. I don't like to be read in public so when I am at a gallery reading (usually with a friend who does like it) I shield hard and picture myself surrounded by Teflon coating, just let the attention slide off to the side. After three or four people Paul turned to me and said "Sorry, I need to speak to the gentleman in the black shirt." Me. "You shine so bright it's hard to see (words to this effect I wasn't taking notes). You are a healer, right? You need to keep your focus and not let anyone tell you otherwise or distract you from your path. You are on the right path and need to focus on healing and mediumship and you have talent with trance mediumship as well."

And then he moved on.

Wow, I was not expecting that, but it was great and what I needed to hear. I loved that instead of opening with some dead relative or bringing up names and events the way he was with everyone else (which was the point, it was a Mediumship demonstration, after all), he cut right to the point, told me what I needed to hear and moved on.

It's been a tough summer for me. Business has been very slow, money has been crazy tight and I have been doubting. I've even found myself thinking about getting a regular job again and then having to go lay down lest I barf on the carpet. I know I am a very good teacher, psychic and lecturer. I've also started doing a bit of healing work and been very pleased with the results – I've even started planning how to offer healing services to the public. Even so, nothing takes the wind out of your sails like a really bad few months.

This unexpected message from Paul Rees was exactly what I needed to get me focused and moving again, to push away the doubt and I am very grateful.


" Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is. – Terry Pratchett 

ColumbineIt is easy to find great wisdom and mysticism in far eastern religions, illuminated scrolls from far away and long ago, and deep meaning in confusing koans and riddles – but to find the sacred in the every day, the wisdom in normal conversation and the mystic in the mundane – That is the challenge and the goal of wisdom.

Still working on it…

Meditations on Camille

I'm in a play for the first time in 12 years and I don't know how I feel about it yet.

Over the last few years I've been spending more and more time on stage, teaching and lecturing, but I am working just with a few notes and the knowledge in my head. I'm not up there pretending to be anyone other than myself, and I have grown very comfortable with it. I love being in front of an audience and having the immediate feedback that 40-50 faces can give you. I love the look on a person's face when something suddenly makes sense, or when just two or three people in a crowd laugh at a subtle joke; even better when the whole group laughs! That immediate interaction feels like an evolution of the stage-work I did in my teens and twenties. 

CamilleNow I am back in a theater I spent many an hour and day in when I was younger. I still remember which stairs creek and how to avoid making noise during the show. I can see everything that has changed these past twelve years and what has stayed the same. I miss the people who have gone. Some faces stay the same and the feel of the theater is unchanged, but I have changed. I have changed immensely these last ten years and being back in this place with it's captured memories and forgotten energies is bringing back thoughts, fears, and insecurities I thought I have overcome. Petty jealousies and hidden doubts I thought were long gone have reared their ugly heads and shown me how much work I still have to do on my spiritual path.

This time has also highlighted some of the weaknesses and forgotten pieces of my current life. How I have tried to push aside frivolous fun and "work" that is not for obvious spiritual or monetary gain. It seems odd to put those two things in the same sentence, but when your job is psychic work and teaching they start to fall together sometimes. I can justify a class or social gathering that I might otherwise pass up if it will be with others in the biz, or might bring new contacts and opportunities where a purely social night out can seem like a waste of time and money.

Have I forgotten how to have fun? Do I no longer do things because they are fun and joyous, but only if they have benefit (ignoring that enjoyment and happiness are benefits)? I don't know, and I'm a bit worried about that.

When I was asked to be in this play (I didn't audition, the director called me out of the blue), I felt guilty about accepting. I should be doing something "productive." As soon as I identified that feeling I said yes. It had the feel of a lesson that needed learning, but I'm still not sure what the lesson/test is - and what is the correct response. When I first checked my calendar and had no conflicts with either rehearsals or performances, I thought it was meant to be. Now conflicts are appearing and I am afraid.

What if the lesson is that I must choose between my spiritual work and business and having an outside life? I cannot accept that. Life should have choices besides survival. Fun and outside exploration have to exist in life, but what if the lesson is to turn away from distractions? That doesn't feel right, but it lines up with a reoccurring fear.

This past weekend I was talking to a friend who had recently traveled to South America to meet with John of God. I was struck by his descriptions of how the entire community worked together, partly unconsciously and partly by design, to bring you the lessons and answers you sought. It wasn't always a direct answer from the prophet. It was words and omens from all around you, often where you least expect. By the time you left you had your answer, but probably not what or from where you were expecting.

Since he told me about his experiences I have been looking around me and noticing how much that happens in my life now, and how often I try to ignore omens and messages that I don't want to hear, but the other day I got an e-mail from the play's director that stopped me.

Stopped me in every way, for a moment I don't even think the blood moved in my veins. The phrasing he used was so similar to the way I talk in my readings that there was no mistaking it for anything but a Message. "After all, you are not expected to give up everything for art, just most of it."

Substitute God for Art.

There are times I feel like I have given up so much in this Spiritual Journey. There are times when I feel I have been given so much in this Spiritual Journey. There are times I am terrified about what else I will have to give up in this Spiritual Journey.

All the time I am thirsty for what else I will be given on this Spiritual Journey.

Will my fears get the best of me? Do I have the fortitude to do what will be asked of me or will I chicken out? What are the lessons I am to be learning here?

I know that it often takes much time to understand the lessons and tests on our path. That will not keep my from wrestling with them and struggling for clarity.

The first lesson, and oft repeated lesson, is you take yourself wherever you go. I find myself talking about my work and practice during rehearsals. I share about yoga and psychic readings. Were ever I go, there I am, taking this new focus and life with me.


Addendum: We open tomorrow and I am still learning. Once again I see that I am still a jealous, vain, and often egotistical person. I am harshly critical of myself and others.

I have endless patience for those struggling to understand themselves and open their eyes to the world around them. I am deeply curious about how people work and why they act the way they do. I have great compassion for people who care, and none for those who don't. If you don't really care about what you are doing, be it reciting a monologue or moving a bit of scenery – don't do it. As Cayce said (paraphrasing), Do what comes to hand – and do it with mindfulness and grace.

We open tomorrow and I am watching this episode of my life with great interest, intent on understanding it's place in the greater arc of my life. It may be that this has only been a visit to my past, highlighting what has changed and what hasn't. In all likelihood the ending, the message is still to come. A growth opportunity. Another %^%$*&# growth opportunity.

I shall endeavor to take it with grace.

I opened the window and influenza

ChristmasTreeYa'll I am so sick I can't even think of my own illness related title, I had to steal that one from Cynthia Heimel. I am feeling better though and wanted to send you a few thoughts on 2011. This is going to be an interesting year… An interesting next few years in fact, but certainly not all bad.

The biggest cautions I have received about 2011 are about the economy and housing. I have been predicting a second dip for the economy in 2011, but this is not the Big One! Don't panic, sell low and move into a yurt, unless you really want to. The stock market will bounce back from this one.

The housing market hasn't bottomed out yet.

Birth rates are going to be high this year, there are a lot of souls who want in on the coming changes. These are going to be highly sensitive and psychic souls, I wish all of their parents a hearty GOOD LUCK!

tomatoSproutsGrow your own! Food and water issues, safety and reliability, will be growing in the coming years. The more control you can have over what you eat and drink the better off you will be! Now is the time to learn to garden and cook, if you wait for a disaster to start your garden, or begin preserving, or raising livestock (Chickens!) you will have waited too long. The garden catalogues have already started to arrive and I'm already disappearing into next year's garden.

Forget about resolutions! Set a few goals for the next year and then just do the work.  I'm working on mine right now and ruminating on the ones I missed in 2010.  A good plan, and one of my ongoing ones, is to be just a bit more healthy every day. No huge changes or impossible goals, just get a bit of exercise, stretch, meditate, don't eat anything that makes you feel awful, and go play outside. One of the most common recommendations I get in my readings is "Go play outside." It helps you get grounded, improves your mood, and makes you feel alive!

What I keep getting over and over in my readings and dreams is that this is the time to do the work and prepare for the coming changes. The future is not set in stone and our actions and attitudes can alter the path of History.

It is up to us as Light Workers to do the hard work of bringing light to the world and carrying light with us and within us as we walk in dark places. I know it can feel impossible some days, I get bleak and moody myself, but those are the times to go play outside, talk to a friend, or get on the yoga mat and work it out.

lightsmallDay to day life is what brings us up and gets us down, but what matters is for us to do the work and change the World.

"When individuals have taken thought of others they have kept the world intact. Where there were ten just persons, even, many a city, many a nation, has been saved from destruction." Cayce 3976-11 Report*

*You can gain access to all the Edgar Cayce Readings and reports as well as all sorts of other cool stuff by joining the A.R.E. for as little as $30 per year. Well worth it.


daffodilSnowYears ago I had a dream were I was speaking to this old woman about my business.  In the dream, as in waking life, I was all stressed out and trying to explain to her why I was so stressed and didn't have time for her ideas.  She turned and gave me a hard look before saying "Don't you know that as the Earth grows in fecundity, so too shall your business?"

cressAfter I awoke, and looked up "fecundity,"  I started thinking about what she had said to me.  Even now I see the same patterns of sowing, tending, harvesting and resting that I see in nature.  This time of year, even as I plant seeds for the summer garden, ideas and winter projects start to show new growth.  Classes start to grow again, readings become more frequent and new growth is all around.  Summer will see unexpected storms and stunning growth and excitement before the busyness of fall fair season and the harvest of the year's work before the slowdown of December and January.

YellowCrocusLeafEvery year I forget about the pattern, my mind fills with worry and fret in December and January only to remember as spring approaches that is this normal for work as organic as mine.

Today I saw my first crocuses of spring.  The bright yellow ones are always the first to bloom and their sunny faces make me remember those words from my dream, "As the Earth grows in fecundity, so too shall your business."  Now is the time for new growth, and love, and Fecundity – and I am ready.

I want to go play outside

I want to go play outside. IceAndMist

I don't mean I want to go shovel snow, or trudge around the neighborhood in twenty-four layers.  I don't want long hikes or camping.  I don't want to go looking for the best photograph, or the perfect view.  I don't mean I want to work in the garden (I do, but not right this moment… cuz it's buried under a foot of snow), or continue digging for the Crazy, Insane Garden Project.  I want to go Play Outside!

I want to go out with no expectations.  I want to come home covered in mud and scratches.  I want to find a perfect stick.  I want to discover a small stream, just new from the rain, and know my afternoon is all booked up.  I want to see a deer and stand so still it ignores me and then clap my hands.  I want to chase squirrels and climb trees.  I want to climb down the stormdrain and pretend I'm exploring the lost temple of Xxivks (pronounced drit for no apparent reason).RiverSnow

I think we get so caught up in the idea of work and responsibilities we forget about unstructured play.  We "play" games with rules and scores.  We exercise and workout and we need a goal.  Everything has a schedule and a plan.

Maybe I just need some new playmates, but surely there is still time for random, unplanned fun?  Running because it's fun or standing on your head or doing summersaults and cartwheels and rolling down a hill?

Maybe I should just go out dancing.  That's fun, but these days I feel this pressure to meet someone, or HAVE FUN and get my money's worth, or gripe about the dj, or not make a fool of myself on the dance floor, or I go out so rarely it seems like a Big Deal.  I don't want fun and play to be a Big Deal, thinking like that makes me feel old and tired.

BirchMistFeeling old and tired makes you old and tired.  Fun and games may not keep you young, but it will look that way, and feel that way  - and isn't that more important?

I suppose it's cabin fever, or spring fever, or some such thing.  Too long cooped up, even the (indoor) cats want to get out, till they see the snow.  I'm twitching for an adventure, something completely random.  It's even too cold for ghost hunting, which I find a bit redundant cuz they are everywhere, and everyone thinks I'm nuts for wanting to bring a net.  At least I'd get to see new and interesting places full of terror, screaming and scaring other people.

You'd think working all the psychic fairs would be fun, and some are, but it's still work.  Besides, you do one simple handstand (I was bored) and people talk about it for years.

Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and in many ways I have the greatest and most exciting job in the world.  I just have cabin fever and I am going bonkers.

So talk to be people, who else is going crazy out there?  Are you climbing the walls?  If so, are you using crampons or ropes?

What are you doing to relieve the winter doldrums or are you loving it with a yard covered in snow angels and snowmen?

I'll open a discussion in the Forum at – tell us what you are doing or just complain about the weather for a bit.  What is keeping you going as you look out the window?


It's December, Breathe

I've been struggling with this December newsletter for a while now (most of December in fact), and I finally figured out why.  Christmas-CactusI was sitting down to write a loving missive of the holiday season, but I always want these messages to fill a need and I wasn't seeing a need for more zesty jolliness.  I am seeing a need for reassurance.

So for those of you who's December has been filled with holly and jolly and other things ending in olly, skip down to the Fall update, everyone else, read on.

Stop and take a Deep Breath.  You are ok.

I know this has been a difficult month for many of you and you are not alone.  I have never seen so many clients and friends having such a difficult time as I have this month and for many it has nothing to do with Christmas and the holiday season.  Sad AngelFor many, business is down or relationships are strained, it may be the weather, it may be the season, but many of us are having a difficult month and are afraid that this will be the new normal in the coming year.

Relax and Breathe Deep.  You will be ok.

At first I was taking it case by case, person by person, trying to figure out what was going on, why is this wonderful person feeling like this?  Soon I saw that that was not the right way to think – It's just December.  Freakin, flippin December.

Let the tension and anxiety flow away, and Breathe.

This is not the new normal.  This is not what 2010 will be like, and you are not alone.  So what I finally realized I need to be saying to people is, "Relax, Chill out, Breathe Deep and don't make any important decisions until January."

Relax your neck and roll your shoulders – feel the tightness loosen, and Breathe.

Coneflower In SnowYou are deeply loved and cared for and I pray for each and every one of you this December and for the coming year.  It will be ok and we will all get through this together.

What ever you can Breathe through, you can Live through.

Relax, and Breathe.