Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Growing Pains

Spiritual Teachers

If you don't follow Caroline Myss​, this is a great time to start.

Like most of us in the spiritual community (especially those of us who make our living as teachers, healers and psychics) most of what she shares is positive and uplifting with a dash of marketing, but she recently shared her thoughts on the current political climate and while she mentioned no names, she was not shy.

Naturally she was attacked for getting political. I was struck by two responses she gave to that attack: "Speaking up is not being "political"; it is an act of conscience."

"What is the role of a spiritual teacher if not to alert people that we are traveling into dangerous water."

Those of us who are spiritual teachers and speakers of Truth owe it to ourselves and the world to speak out when we see Fear and Pain exploited for political and monetary gain. Any political leader who uses fear to further thier career and financial interests does not deserve your patronage. Anyone who tells you to give up faith, love and hope if you want to be safe is promoting darkness and anyone who tell you that "They" are not like "Us" and must be excluded and driven from our shores (whoever the hell "They" are) is wrong and acting against the forces of Love.

Love is the antidote to far and hatred. Reject those who tell you to hate and embrace those who speak of love.

I love you.

Mediumship with Paul Dees

Last night I did something very unusual for me, I rescheduled my yoga class so I could go to a lecture in Warren. This is probably the second or third time in six years I've fiddled with my teaching schedule, but something about Paul and Deborah Rees' talk at the Meg TC was calling to me. At first I was a bit disappointed, I'm not really into mediumship, and while their stories of getting into the biz were interesting, it was nothing to jump up and down over. I did really like what Paul said about language getting in the way of communication. So often spiritual discussions get derailed over word choice. I like the word God, some prefer Spirit, or Divine, or Allah, or Yahweh, but why should our conversation grind to a halt over names? 

That was good and I was glad that someone else was talking about the horrors of semantics, but I still wasn't sure why I was there… and then the mediumship demonstrations began. They work very well together, better than any team I've ever seen before. They way they would pass off to each other when one was stuck or stalled was very smooth and played to each of their strengths. 

They started on the other side of the room, but quickly started coming to people over near me. There were over 50 people in the room, but aside from the first 2 everyone they talked to was within a few feet of me – this always happens. I don't like to be read in public so when I am at a gallery reading (usually with a friend who does like it) I shield hard and picture myself surrounded by Teflon coating, just let the attention slide off to the side. After three or four people Paul turned to me and said "Sorry, I need to speak to the gentleman in the black shirt." Me. "You shine so bright it's hard to see (words to this effect I wasn't taking notes). You are a healer, right? You need to keep your focus and not let anyone tell you otherwise or distract you from your path. You are on the right path and need to focus on healing and mediumship and you have talent with trance mediumship as well."

And then he moved on.

Wow, I was not expecting that, but it was great and what I needed to hear. I loved that instead of opening with some dead relative or bringing up names and events the way he was with everyone else (which was the point, it was a Mediumship demonstration, after all), he cut right to the point, told me what I needed to hear and moved on.

It's been a tough summer for me. Business has been very slow, money has been crazy tight and I have been doubting. I've even found myself thinking about getting a regular job again and then having to go lay down lest I barf on the carpet. I know I am a very good teacher, psychic and lecturer. I've also started doing a bit of healing work and been very pleased with the results – I've even started planning how to offer healing services to the public. Even so, nothing takes the wind out of your sails like a really bad few months.

This unexpected message from Paul Rees was exactly what I needed to get me focused and moving again, to push away the doubt and I am very grateful.


" Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is. – Terry Pratchett 

ColumbineIt is easy to find great wisdom and mysticism in far eastern religions, illuminated scrolls from far away and long ago, and deep meaning in confusing koans and riddles – but to find the sacred in the every day, the wisdom in normal conversation and the mystic in the mundane – That is the challenge and the goal of wisdom.

Still working on it…

Meditations on Camille

I'm in a play for the first time in 12 years and I don't know how I feel about it yet.

Over the last few years I've been spending more and more time on stage, teaching and lecturing, but I am working just with a few notes and the knowledge in my head. I'm not up there pretending to be anyone other than myself, and I have grown very comfortable with it. I love being in front of an audience and having the immediate feedback that 40-50 faces can give you. I love the look on a person's face when something suddenly makes sense, or when just two or three people in a crowd laugh at a subtle joke; even better when the whole group laughs! That immediate interaction feels like an evolution of the stage-work I did in my teens and twenties. 

CamilleNow I am back in a theater I spent many an hour and day in when I was younger. I still remember which stairs creek and how to avoid making noise during the show. I can see everything that has changed these past twelve years and what has stayed the same. I miss the people who have gone. Some faces stay the same and the feel of the theater is unchanged, but I have changed. I have changed immensely these last ten years and being back in this place with it's captured memories and forgotten energies is bringing back thoughts, fears, and insecurities I thought I have overcome. Petty jealousies and hidden doubts I thought were long gone have reared their ugly heads and shown me how much work I still have to do on my spiritual path.

This time has also highlighted some of the weaknesses and forgotten pieces of my current life. How I have tried to push aside frivolous fun and "work" that is not for obvious spiritual or monetary gain. It seems odd to put those two things in the same sentence, but when your job is psychic work and teaching they start to fall together sometimes. I can justify a class or social gathering that I might otherwise pass up if it will be with others in the biz, or might bring new contacts and opportunities where a purely social night out can seem like a waste of time and money.

Have I forgotten how to have fun? Do I no longer do things because they are fun and joyous, but only if they have benefit (ignoring that enjoyment and happiness are benefits)? I don't know, and I'm a bit worried about that.

When I was asked to be in this play (I didn't audition, the director called me out of the blue), I felt guilty about accepting. I should be doing something "productive." As soon as I identified that feeling I said yes. It had the feel of a lesson that needed learning, but I'm still not sure what the lesson/test is - and what is the correct response. When I first checked my calendar and had no conflicts with either rehearsals or performances, I thought it was meant to be. Now conflicts are appearing and I am afraid.

What if the lesson is that I must choose between my spiritual work and business and having an outside life? I cannot accept that. Life should have choices besides survival. Fun and outside exploration have to exist in life, but what if the lesson is to turn away from distractions? That doesn't feel right, but it lines up with a reoccurring fear.

This past weekend I was talking to a friend who had recently traveled to South America to meet with John of God. I was struck by his descriptions of how the entire community worked together, partly unconsciously and partly by design, to bring you the lessons and answers you sought. It wasn't always a direct answer from the prophet. It was words and omens from all around you, often where you least expect. By the time you left you had your answer, but probably not what or from where you were expecting.

Since he told me about his experiences I have been looking around me and noticing how much that happens in my life now, and how often I try to ignore omens and messages that I don't want to hear, but the other day I got an e-mail from the play's director that stopped me.

Stopped me in every way, for a moment I don't even think the blood moved in my veins. The phrasing he used was so similar to the way I talk in my readings that there was no mistaking it for anything but a Message. "After all, you are not expected to give up everything for art, just most of it."

Substitute God for Art.

There are times I feel like I have given up so much in this Spiritual Journey. There are times when I feel I have been given so much in this Spiritual Journey. There are times I am terrified about what else I will have to give up in this Spiritual Journey.

All the time I am thirsty for what else I will be given on this Spiritual Journey.

Will my fears get the best of me? Do I have the fortitude to do what will be asked of me or will I chicken out? What are the lessons I am to be learning here?

I know that it often takes much time to understand the lessons and tests on our path. That will not keep my from wrestling with them and struggling for clarity.

The first lesson, and oft repeated lesson, is you take yourself wherever you go. I find myself talking about my work and practice during rehearsals. I share about yoga and psychic readings. Were ever I go, there I am, taking this new focus and life with me.


Addendum: We open tomorrow and I am still learning. Once again I see that I am still a jealous, vain, and often egotistical person. I am harshly critical of myself and others.

I have endless patience for those struggling to understand themselves and open their eyes to the world around them. I am deeply curious about how people work and why they act the way they do. I have great compassion for people who care, and none for those who don't. If you don't really care about what you are doing, be it reciting a monologue or moving a bit of scenery – don't do it. As Cayce said (paraphrasing), Do what comes to hand – and do it with mindfulness and grace.

We open tomorrow and I am watching this episode of my life with great interest, intent on understanding it's place in the greater arc of my life. It may be that this has only been a visit to my past, highlighting what has changed and what hasn't. In all likelihood the ending, the message is still to come. A growth opportunity. Another %^%$*&# growth opportunity.

I shall endeavor to take it with grace.

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